Seventy Times Seven

I have a few thoughts that I needed to jot down. I don't share this on here to broadcast to everyone all that goes on in my life. I write so that down the road my children will know I was human and that I had struggles as well. Not all is happy go lucky all the time and I think those parts of our lives are left out in our written histories all too often.

I do know that these situations too shall pass but in the moment they are tough and feel so unfair. I have spent today with tear filled eyes. I feel heartbroken, helpless, betrayed, angry, and confused on how a relationship with someone as a child could have turned into what it is now. I feel confused that how someone I looked up to so much then is now someone I don't look to for anything now. In fact I don't want to continue to try and have a relationship with that person again. I now see how hard it can be to truly forgive, especially when you are hurt over and over again. The scriptures say 70X7 we are required to forgive so I know that is my next step. It is just so hard!

Now that the day has waned on and I've had a good cry my anger has subsided a little and I am now opening up to my other senses to that what I hold in my heart and what I believe. My Heavenly Father is so wonderful and I am so thankful that with his help I can let go of the bad feelings and hurt and he'll take it away for me. All I have to do is let him.

So why do I hold on so tight? I feel like I am in a tug o war with Him and my hands are sore and raw from straining to keep hold of the rope. I know I can stop the pain if I just let go and let my Father in Heaven win the competition. I know he'll take it away. What good will the pride of "winning" or keeping the anger in do? Absolutely Nothing....

So it is Seventy Times Seven then...