Friday, December 10, 2010

Seventy Times Seven

I have a few thoughts that I needed to jot down. I don't share this on here to broadcast to everyone all that goes on in my life. I write so that down the road my children will know I was human and that I had struggles as well. Not all is happy go lucky all the time and I think those parts of our lives are left out in our written histories all too often.

I do know that these situations too shall pass but in the moment they are tough and feel so unfair. I have spent today with tear filled eyes. I feel heartbroken, helpless, betrayed, angry, and confused on how a relationship with someone as a child could have turned into what it is now. I feel confused that how someone I looked up to so much then is now someone I don't look to for anything now. In fact I don't want to continue to try and have a relationship with that person again. I now see how hard it can be to truly forgive, especially when you are hurt over and over again. The scriptures say 70X7 we are required to forgive so I know that is my next step. It is just so hard!

Now that the day has waned on and I've had a good cry my anger has subsided a little and I am now opening up to my other senses to that what I hold in my heart and what I believe. My Heavenly Father is so wonderful and I am so thankful that with his help I can let go of the bad feelings and hurt and he'll take it away for me. All I have to do is let him.

So why do I hold on so tight? I feel like I am in a tug o war with Him and my hands are sore and raw from straining to keep hold of the rope. I know I can stop the pain if I just let go and let my Father in Heaven win the competition. I know he'll take it away. What good will the pride of "winning" or keeping the anger in do? Absolutely Nothing....

So it is Seventy Times Seven then...

3 comments:

Kara Lohberg said...

I know, quite well, what you're going through right now. I had my heart broken on Thursday by someone I considered a friend, as well. It definitely is not easy, but you're completely right. We just need to let go of those hard feelings and give them to our Heavenly Father to take away. It's easier said than done though.

I hope that all is well for you and that you'll be able to move past this. You are such a wonderful woman that I really look up to, so thank you for being a wonderful example and know that you are loved.

Sheila said...

aww , I'm so sorry for your pain! Keep looking up!

Anonymous said...

Love you sweetheart. Go forth with faith . . . it's what we all must do.